I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
