Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
