yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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