Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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