I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize