We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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