I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
