dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
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