Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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