I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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