you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
