Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
