Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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