I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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