I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
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