he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
