Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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