I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Randomize
