I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
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so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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