it's like iHOP with fire
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
