the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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