I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
