the condom got lost in my hair
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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