You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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