I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
