I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize