How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
