omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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