You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Can I color on your dick again?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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