it's too hot outside to masturbate.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
i think my cat just said my name.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
