this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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