hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
