Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
