You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Did I show you my penis last night?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Sorry my hands just texted you
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
