I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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