She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
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I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
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He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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