This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
