I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
be right there i have to get my cape
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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