I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
