Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
