Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
