I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
