My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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