Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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