you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i was born a porn star she said
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
