I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
