New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
