OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
