you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
