My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
