How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
