I love black thongs
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
