sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
