Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
