I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
