I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
