either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
