Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
