i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
