Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
