I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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