I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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