The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
