you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
