he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
