no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
