i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
