i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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