Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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