please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
