I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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