my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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