I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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