You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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