I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
