I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
